I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize