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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Look at my ENTIRE past

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Might as well have a blog about it at this point

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Did you go home with that guy without me?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  Oh God. You're going to jail

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock

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• (716): View more from New York

  Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.

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