dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
