we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
