you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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