I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
