So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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