i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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