he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
