i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
