My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
