i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
