I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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