Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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