I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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