Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
