Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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