The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
