I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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