Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
