I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
