I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
