Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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