How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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