his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
