I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
being pregnant is like rehab
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
