are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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