So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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