Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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