I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
