He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
