she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
