why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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