I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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