Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
