so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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