I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
