What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
