you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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