so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
These tits shall not be calmed
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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