that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
