If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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