I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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