I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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