i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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