Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
