and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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