Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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