I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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