I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pants are for mortals
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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