ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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