im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
