Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
