I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
