I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
