my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
