ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
