TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
