Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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