I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
