Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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