allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
pray to the hookup gods
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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