so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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