I look better un-naked...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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