i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
