she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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