just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
