All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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