He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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