On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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