It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
