i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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