Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
