it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize