sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
