even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
