im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He better not be in your backpack
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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