I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This is my gift to your gina
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
