For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
